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Never say never is the new years’ resolution I am sticking to even if family genes are fighting me tooth and nail not to! My grandmother on my dad’s side, God rest her soul, was always negative about everything and anything. If the sun was shining she’s find something about it to complain about… Some people says that naturally happens to old shrinking (in height, not stature!) Sicilian women but I think it could happen from making your way through a hard life and never truly seeing God’s miraculous work throughout the journey!
She was a fighter & I’ll always admire her for that
because that is the positive family trait I got from her! My dad’s a fighter too. I am a fighter who
had to have a dear friend remind me ever so often: “Don’t be a Job!” She’s
right, easier said than done but then here I am a year later, a Lutheran pastor
serving a wonderful tiny little church plant, the Gathering North, as the
pastor of Spiritual Formation! I have also enjoyed venturing into planting an
even tinier house church called the Grace Hub.
Spiritual formation is the whole ball of wax to the
Christian journey, especially if you want to truly serve, live into your
conversion. Conversion is what got me into trouble in the first place~ BUT it
saved me from an empty life grasping for “delusions of grandeur.” A note of
trivia here, but eventually that will be the title of my auto-biography to be
finished and under 500 pages by the time of my death! Conversion is the beginning of the heart’s
training into becoming a disciple of Christ.
The wonderful song from the movie ‘Godspell;’ ‘All Good
Gifts,” is one I not only had performed at my ordination but one that captures
that positive and profound hope I need to fuel my on-going journey. It is a song bubbling over with Grace from
the first lines to the last lines of the song.
“We plow the fields and scatter the good seed on the
land.
But it is fed and watered by God's almighty hand.
He sends the snow in winter, the warmth to swell the
grain...
The breezes and the sunshine, and soft refreshing rain...
All good gifts around us
Are sent from Heaven above
Then thank the Lord, oh thank the Lord for all his
love...
We thank thee then, O Father, for all things bright and
good,
The seedtime and the harvest, our life, our health, our
food,
No gifts have we to offer for all thy love imparts
But that which thou desirest, our humble thankful hearts!
All good gifts around us
Are sent from Heaven above
Then thank the Lord, oh thank the Lord for all his love
I really wanna thank you Lord
I want to thank you
thank you for all of your love
Oh thank you lord
oh lord”
At my ordination, my dear friend Beau, a very talented
musician sang and performed this song that I needed to have played at the very
beginning of that service. Because it’s
true, all good gifts around DO come from God, out of His love and Grace for
us! I have to hear that over and over to
remind me to truly live into: “never say never!”
The song I heard at my conversion that fateful summer of
2003 was one that spoke about the Holy Spirit. ‘Spirit, Spirit of Gentleness.’
It was here that my heart heard God’s voice calling me. God’s voice called me to do something
crazy! After about 12 something years of
being out of school & suffering the crazy Chicago art scene; I decided to
go to seminary the fall of 2008.
Never say never struggled to be heard mind you, since the
1st part of my journey there was very negative BUT I’m not going to
go there because we must, all of us, focus on what the light of Christ means
and is DOING in all of our lives at every waking moment of the day! The mini
miracle there came through my mentoring pastor who through God’s help rescued
me from those days of playing the Grateful Dead’s tune: “Friend of the Devil”
in the 1st seminary’s parking lot while I would wind up crying
before I parked and went in to classes.
It was upon his encouragement that I transferred to TEDS—Trinity
Evangelical Divinity School. A Lutheran
in an Evangelical seminary~ now we’re in trouble! J Yes, there was a
little too much Calvinism but I thank Exhedrin and the Book of Concord to
balance out the theological differences in order to graduate! That was another
moment of never saying never or the miracle of God’s grace working in my life.
Greek, the language became my only trial at TEDS where successfully failing 3
classes even with a tutor… I waved the
white surrender flag & changed my MDiv (Master of Divinity) into a dual
equivalency program of a MAM (Master of Arts in Ministry) & a MACS (Master
of Arts in Christian Studies).
The miracle with that switch was studying and practicing
pastoral leadership and counseling. Let me tell you, I think all Lutherans
could greatly benefit from a little more Evangelicalism in their journey! I
know I did and that school as well was continually encouraging giving me a few
scholarships for preaching and church planting! TEDS was like the cherry at the
top of a difficult dish to tackle.
Never saying never was once again the next hurdle after
graduation, for the Lutheran world definitely has NOT been kind to me much at
all… from “evil” in candidacy committees to a “sabotaged” 1st call
just recently to Oregon this past December! Yes, it was very painful but just
like my dad and my grandmother; I will always be a fighter! For now I have a great reason to keep on,
keeping on! Not only serving as I am but
with a great hope for the future.
My whole journey as a disciple of Jesus has been about living
into fulfilling that 1st and most important commandment—Love God
& love my neighbor. I do love to
care for people. I have been lightly
employed through Visiting Angels beginning to answer that call. This coming Tuesday, I am looking forward to
interviewing with a social services-type non-for profit ministry near to our
new apartment that would have me in essence, being the chaplain to children
with emotional disabilities.
If I see the glass half empty, I would be bewildered in
it not being exactly what I was hoping to do as a pastor… But then I’d be going back into what I saw
and experienced as a Fine Artist; no I never got to get into the “big”
galleries… or really sell my art or teach where I wanted to teach… BUT God’s
Grace led me here! My heart was being groomed and shaped to be a minister to
His Good News! Amen, Hallelujah!
All Good Gifts are from a God who journeys with us. His Holy Spirit walks with us, even carries
us through those difficult times when we want what we want but never get
it! Never get the miracles He does every
day in even the smallest of things! My wonderful husband Phil, God continues to
help me realize his continual blessing in my life. The other day, he came back from his last
Libertyville Township trustee meeting with a plaque and his name tag. I then truly knew what a beautiful sacrifice
he made for me in giving up his seat since we had to move…
Moving is as mentioned in a couple of sermons this past
month is definitely ALL about struggling through change! 900 something boxes later and a lot of “Jenga”
training in order to stuff your life into a new space… We ARE truly in our new
apartment! Looking out to a vast horizon facing south where you can see both
the sun rise and close the day… God has
truly amazing things to continue to encourage and teach me!
A year later since those hands were laid upon me and I
was consecrated… the tears I should cry now need to be never saying never to
God—always persevering in a hope that perhaps is still beyond my understanding
BUT I must go forward for not my sake but His will and purposes! His voice has never stopped encouraging my
heart to grow, only people! We must listen prayerfully and deeply to the Lord’s
calling to each and every one of us for it’s important.
We could naturally allow the evil one to control our road
to fall into despair and hopelessness OR we can truly marry our hearts to His
Gospel imperative: LIVE it, and GIVE it!!
I will leave you with the song from my conversion:
“Spirit, Spirit of gentleness,
blow through the wilderness calling and free,
Spirit, Spirit of restlessness,
stir me from placidness,
wind, wind on the sea.
You moved on the waters,
you called to the deep,
then you coaxed up the mountains
from the valleys of sleep;
and over the eons you called to each thing:
"Awake from your slumbers
and rise on your wings."
You swept through the desert,
you stung with the sand,
and you goaded your people with a law and a land;
and when they were blinded
with idols and lies,
then you spoke through your prophets
to open their eyes.
You sang in a stable,
you cried from a hill,
then you whispered in silence
when the whole world was still;
and down in the city
you called once again,
when you blew through your people
on the rush of the wind.
You call from tomorrow,
you break ancient schemes.
From the bondage of sorrow
all the captives dream dreams;
our women see visions,
our men clear their eyes.
With bold new decisions
your people arise.
January 17th,
2016; 2nd Sunday after Epiphany; Year C; SOLA Lectionary
Witness by
Reverend Nicole A.M. Collins, pos. FODM
Psalm 128;
Isaiah 62:1-5; 1 Corinthians 12:1-11 & John 2:1-11
Below is a link from my ordination:
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