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Accomplishing
this is hard work spiritually and emotionally.
It is also painful, reconstructive work one must do especially when one
realizes how truly and faithfully their lives are in transition! How do we
manage to stay encouraged to persevere the valleys as well as the peaks? I thought a lot about this, this past week in
remembering the Stephens’ Ministry training I had early on my journey into
ministry. There is a beautiful metaphor
used to describe being able to reach down and out to someone who is in their
valley or pit while holding tightly unto the roots of the tree of Christ.
The
illustration continues to say that if you are not careful and establish firm
boundaries in being a compassionate caregiver, you may find yourself falling
into that pit with the one who you have been “trying” to care for. “Trying” is
one of those words frowned upon in clinical pastoral care because it examples a
lack of confidence to some extent or a lack of vulnerability to bounce back
into being firmly rooted (that tree of Christ metaphor applies here for
certain…).
You can
find yourself throughout the journey of your life wondering did I hold on to
Christ or did I let go, where I didn’t truly allow the Holy Spirit access to
strengthening, transforming, transitioning my soul for the Lord’s work? This is
our saint/ sinner reality: Are we fully accountable to the Gospel imperative?
Today marks
two amazing anniversaries that cling to one number but say something profound
about God’s work seen or unseen in our lives.
The first anniversary is literally the one year anniversary of
graduating from seminary. You’ve
probably heard enough from me on numerous times of my journey describing how
hard and horrible some of those valleys were…
Pastor Eric reminded me the other day remember you said a few years back
in being greatly discouraged that you thought you’d never get ordained or
approved for anything… but here you are.
Never
saying never is a part of that difficult task appointed to us by Christ to
persevere on our own. Though we must
truly remember as well, that we are never really alone, God is with us, for us
and KNOWS US! The knowing aspect is a
painful trigger for me because you can at times in your life either traversing
the valleys or struggling to climb that peak feel very alone. This loneliness can be or become profound
with Satan’s help if you don’t address the Old Nature against the New…
Both
Jesus and St. Paul are encouraging disciples everywhere to open their minds as
well as see with the eyes of their hearts to not “try” but DO! Not trying but
doing or better said living into the lifestyle of Grace as a full-fledged
legitimate witness of the Gospel of Jesus: life, death, resurrection &
ascension, is an integral part of the disciples’ commission and mission.
The
second anniversary celebrated numerically today is the four month anniversary
of something I thought would be near impossible to achieve; my ordination. With so many obstacles in the way that I had
to dodge and “play politician” to (which I hated!), the valley here was often
feeling discouraged, unworthy and frankly through the myriad of games some
people would play, inadequate. Just
imagine how those disciples must’ve felt like when they hear from Jesus that
He’s leaving them & ascending to His father…?
They
were fisherman, tax collectors, shepherds, carpenters & what not, ordinary
“Priesthood of all believers” stock… “Yikes~ Jesus do You have to go?” This is probably
what they were thinking as well as saying to each other as well as to Him
directly. Not much has changed in regards to the make-up of the disciple though
Satan has thrown in the monkey wrench of hierarchy and the ego… The disciple
can be and should be anyone. From a
bi-vocational 46 year old former artist and educator, to a former Rugby player,
a florist or a former CNA—God calls us all!
We all have gifts that we can realize throughout our faith journey. No one under God has the right to name, claim
or defame anyone’s efforts in answering the Gospel imperative! I will take this statement to the grave—If I
hear from God’s lips I am not worthy and should not move forward, I will obey.
Obedience
sounds like an unpleasant word because it reminds us of the valleys and
challenges from our childhood. Those
repressed memories we don’t want to go back down into… We want to and need to ascend from the past
through Christ’s help—that Holy Spirit empowerment that refocuses us in the light
of God’s glorious shining Grace. This
glorious, shining light of Grace is the fount of New Life we strive to realize
even though we will always be in transition.
We hate
road work, right? There are always lanes
closed, roads completely blocked without adequate signage and what not… Sounds a lot like life doesn’t it? You could either see traversing those valleys
like a rocket preparing to launch where the launch’s flames and exhaust are the
former “crap” or “blockage” of your climbing over and out of these valleys…. Or
you can see them in a positive light of the ascension in the sense that when
Christ ascended the Holy Spirit was what flowed down upon the disciples to
assist them in beginning their New journey!
When I
was seventeen, it wasn’t necessarily a very good year~ It was just a number and
another moment of transition—Sinatra aside… Just like for us all, we have to
realize where the heart of our trust, hope & faith lie. This center is Christ even before you came to
know Him, He knew you and where you are.
For where are you in the here and now of your discipleship imperative to
“Go forth and make disciples…?” If we proclaim Jesus is Lord are we not lovers
of God who abide and incorporate His commission upon our lives to bear the
fruit we are able and given to bear?
The
Lutheran church has been a “harsh mistress” but I still love her greatly. Persevering answering that initial
conversion-led and fed imperative to “try” to serve her has been a daunting,
human, worldly battle. This is one of
the aspects of the valley in my journey to answering God’s Call. Last year after 6 long years of hard work, I
donned that graduation cap at an Evangelical seminary’s ceremony. On one level it was bittersweet, for the
harsh mistress’ “School” threw me out three years earlier and I finished my
studies ironically at a much better school… over human issues. Here’s a part of our saint/sinner struggles.
Ascending
that moment however with Jesus alive in my heart, May 17th, 2014—that
Holy Spirit power; the joy of stepping onto that mountain top, of getting out
of that valley, is something I will never forget. This is a never say never, that is truly the
scriptures coming alive as realizing your role—freely responsible, accountable
servant of Christ.
That
second only four month old anniversary of January 17th, 2015—is also
something I will never forget. Even
though I had to unfortunately be “James Bond” about keeping it a secret and
hiding it just in case those who chose not to really support or believe in me
would somehow or another crush or sabotage it… This was that difficult task of
who do you answer to?
Trinity
Evangelical Divinity School greatly supported everything I did to accomplish
and complete everything needed to be a fully certified graduate, pastoral
candidate. The Lutheran Evangelical
Protestant Church, God Bless their support has done nothing but encourage and
support my efforts to not only continue to serve at the Gathering North as the
Spiritual Formation Pastor, but to start and have officially chartered my own
ministry(!) The Grace Hub Discipleship
Ministries. Weekly I now have house
church services at 8am in my nearly “boxed up” apartment.
Our
apartment is another valley remaining from last year’s “trying” to please other
people NOT GOD~ (How disturbing is that??!!!) This was by being badgered into doing
an unnecessary second internship to “please people” who didn’t want to support
my efforts in the first place. Ironic the hoops ones throws at another’s feet
to just simply live into serving the Gospel imperative. Who are they protecting the Gospel from? Sounds more like Satan’s made it a power trip
and paranoia for them. Anyway, I
digress, we have had our entire house still packed up in boxes since last July…
There
are days, seeing those boxes and its clutter… make me cry, feeling despair,
anguish, anger and spiritually wanting to slide right back down into another
valley or pit, I will have to struggle to break free from. We’re still waiting and hoping for the “worldly
economy” to “allow” us to move; but in the meantime, I need to allow Jesus
access to continue to work on me so that I may truly serve Him better. The job I applied and interviewed for this
past week to be a hospital chaplain I didn’t get which is another financial
disappointment… but I need to ascend this.
Ascending this set back is persevering, allowing God’s Grace, Peace,
Love and Mercy to operate in your life. For no matter where we are on that
journey, when we look back into those valleys—whose we are, is more
important. Where we go and grow with the
Gospel imperative is a lifetime’s journey lived through Your Heart first, then
hands and feet for the Love of God and neighbor. AMEN
May 17th, 2015;
Observance of the Ascension of Our Lord (5/14) on the 7th Sunday of
Easter;
Year B; SOLA Lectionary ; Acts
1:1-11; Psalm 47; Ephesians 1:15-23; Luke 24:44-53
Sermon by Reverend Nicole A.M.
Collins
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