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Before I begin to share a story of one’s struggle to
truly hear God. I should first instruct
you on the body and its important feature within, the soul. They say that the eyes are the window to the
soul of someone, I would take that a step further and say that the whole of the
body operates most preciously and in a fragile way from the soul which is the
Spirit of God, His breathe of life within you.
This breathe of life within the flesh has being but now it needs to live
into purpose and grow to acknowledge the Voice of God calling one into mission.
It was an early spring morning in the summer of 1992 when
a young teenaged boy was seen walking disoriented down a small urban Street on
the southwest side of Chicago. When people came closer to see what was the
matter. Contrary to what they first
wondered, he was not drunk… but dressed in linen-like cloths to imitate Jesus.
He was spouting scriptures with tears strained back in his eyes and a heaviness
in his heart that no one could ever understand or see. The police took him into
their squad car and brought him home. He was from a wealthy family, the father
was a lawyer and the mother was in real estate. Their family was quite
dysfunctional. The father, just like the son, could never come clean with where
his true priorities lay. The wife, in the meantime, tried unsuccessfully to
hide numerous affairs further bewildering the son who had no true father or
honest parents. This young man is still a tormented soul today. He is a
brilliant author and poet, barely scraping by on the stocks and bonds his wealthy
family has left for him to live on. His North side apartment faces Grace Hill
cemeteries on one side and on the other the Clark street bar scene. The Holy
Spirit sent me this first impression or version of “Philip” from the Gospel,
that would unbeknownst to me, be my initial guide before my conversion
experience to finding God truly in my life. I have written about him before, in
years past, in reflecting on my faith journey and seeing that road of
discipleship God needed me to follow.
For it was this man of Earth, Adam, who brought this more
than skeptical, agnostic, “recovering Catholic” artist into the church doors
for the first time in nearly 15 years. Bethany United Church of Christ was his
home church, but he didn't really go there for faith, he was so unsure of
himself, unlike Samuel and Nathan he did not hear God's voice yet alone
recognize it really at all, but, he knew how to share it, even through his
misunderstanding.
Today's Gospel lesson has this intriguing use of the
image of the fig tree. The gospel writer John, as we know, has this wonderful
profound deep faith and nearly mystical reflective vision of Christ. In both
the Gospels of Mark and Matthew, the image of the fig tree shows Jesus, for the
first time expressing some notions of perhaps being discouraged. Mark 11:12-25
and Matthew 21:18-22 has Jesus withering the fig tree when trying to teach his
disciples about spiritual priorities. The Fig Tree in today's Gospel, is
that metaphoric example of this Earthly creation of God, this body—our bodies,
Our physical selves and most importantly, our spiritual selves. St Paul goes
more in-depth obviously, with the sense of God’s priorities surrounding our
spiritual selves and tending to our physical selves. Perhaps my favorite line
for a bad jokes is, yes I do believe my body is a temple to God, but I must be
the start of a megachurch!
Adam would probably be one of those Corinthians that St.
Paul would need to have a good talking to. For he did not take care of himself
at all his spiritual well-being was beyond hope in some senses. His tears and
upset-ness to his family's dysfunction having a gay father who would never come
out and deny the fact of that, and an alcoholic mother, who would not divorce
but was merely interested in hanging in there for the monies. He was close to
his mother, and she seems like the only one who was lightly listening to him.
Children of alcoholic parents however, never have a normal relationship with
their parents… She was good friend to
him as well as soon as he felt he was becoming truly close to her, she died.
The father disappeared behind the scenes leaving an impressionable young man to
be raised by his grandmother, living into this great illusion, that things were
okay and left Adam to survive through using his family's Fortune to basically
spin his wheels in writing novels and poetry.
Growing into a family tree where the fruits were never
tended to, and the Son was never allowed to ripen or blossom the tree’s
fruits... I believe his faith was one that had a huge chasm within it. He
didn't have his own version of the Gospel’s Philip or the Old Testament mentor
to Samuel, Eli, to help him along. Perhaps if a guardian angel had spoken to
his ears, to his Hearts ears, the psalmist beautiful story of God's Sovereign
Love, peace and mercy and he embraced that fully into his spirit, perhaps he would
have become a truly changed man… Early on, he did begin to see and
understand he had emotional damage but he did not know how to heal from it.
When he had shared this story with me, all of his teenage youth experiences and
sharing this nervous breakdown upon his mother's death, this dazed walk along a
small urban Street dressed as Jesus... I could feel his hearts anxiety and
bewilderment.
When I had first met Adam, Christ was not yet, truly in
my life. Yes, I had several years of Parochial School and two years of a
Catholic High School, but just like him, in some senses, I was a skeptic, I was
perhaps cynical or sarcastic about the need and purpose of church but I was not
that far gone… I was seeking too, but I didn't understand it, at the time as
well.
This was a good portion of the year of 2002 it wouldn't
be till the late summer of 2003, I would have my conversion experience or true Epiphany,
where I did indeed, hear God's call to me to Ministry, to begin a whole new
life. I think I have said this before, but people in today’s culture and age
don't necessarily appreciate or want to understand the nature of conversion, in
believing or trusting in someone's personal confession of hearing and living
into God's call. But it does happen it is real... I am the living proof of
that! The progress we have made today however, in the world is not advancement
that helps us to even begin to understand Nathaniel's Joy of hearing,
understanding and converting to follow Christ, in fact it is becoming lost.
Just the other day I was talking with another pastor who basically said that
they have an atheistic perspective that they have incorporated into their
understanding of all that they do and say in Ministry! Outside of my sinking in
hearing these words; I realized, that here are examples of people, who have
turned off their ears to God's call and close the Temple of their heart to
seeing the transformative truth of God’s will and purposes for their life's
journey.
Misunderstanding peoples of faith is a big can of worms
in this culture that's for sure. Some people believe that agnosticism and
Atheism is a type of faith... but when you look at the structure of the words
and the understanding of what’s happening there, it's quite the opposite. It is
now how we're being justified through an intellectualism that truly does not hear
God's truth and Christ saying to them, come and see. When I was thinking and
becoming troubled by this fellow colleague’s beliefs, I saw once again that fig
tree. I saw the one that Christ withered right next to, juxtaposed to Jesus telling
Nathaniel, that he saw him under the fig tree and then I thought about Adam and
his tree... Jesus Sovereign Love and knowledge of the world was revealed to
Nathaniel, as well as Nathaniel seem to be one of the fruits of this tree, Jesus
once cursed...
After my conversion experience I had given myself into journeying
at the same time, through two different churches. I still felt connections to Bethany and I did
attend both Bethany United Church of Christ and Ebenezer Lutheran Church at the
same time... in fact I even served on Bethany's Council for a number of years,
and even helped my best friend to become their groundskeeper. Was I in some
senses, trying to fill the chasm within my own life of needing to come and see
and experience Jesus on many levels by doing this? I'm not sure, I think this
may have been a partial truth to that, but just like Samuel and Nathaniel, I
listened to God and I trusted Him putting aside my fears, anxiety and hurt to
embrace Christ by following Him.
Through many conversations through the art/ poet grapevine,
a number of years later, I would come to find that Adam was attending Willow
Creek just to find women. He did find a young girl and had an out-of-wedlock
child with her and sent her away. It was rumored that he was seen walking hand
in hand with a man along Clark Street bar scene on the north side of Chicago.
He vehemently denied to everyone in a nearly panicked fear that he was never
with another man… but I always wondered if what had happened with his own
family and their issues, he just couldn't handle it anymore and decided not to
deny it to himself, but like his father, to the rest of the world instead.
We all have those moments and aspects of ourselves that
become judge and jury that either suppresses the voice of God heard in our
hearts or opens us fully to embrace the voice of God coming through. The truth of the matter, as well is that
often the voice of God troubles us, even when we can’t identify it and we can’t
rest until we know what it is all about.
To be called by God, to know it is an act of spiritual intimacy. It helps us to begin to become unified within
ourselves to see God’s Spirit, breathe of life there, and at work.
Let us Pray,
Gracious Lord Jesus,
Help our hearts to open to Your voice calling our very
soul into Your mission and purposes for us.
Help us to love our neighbors by guiding them to find You
on their own.
Help us to realize our struggling journeys to become
spiritually whole
To living prayer-filled, Gracious lives for Your Gospel’s
glory
Within our hope-filled earthly lives’ time.
May we come and see all that You need us to.
In Your most precious Name, we lift this prayer—AMEN
January 14th,
2018; Second Sunday after the Epiphany; Year B; SOLA Lectionary
Sermon by:
Reverend Nicole A.M. Collins, OSST
Psalm 139:1-10;
1 Samuel 3:1-20; 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 & John 1:43-51
The link below is to this sermon's delivery at First Congregational Church at 9:30am
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